To become New Millennial Leaders we must first sit with the awareness that we are on a journey—a leadership journey—and that leadership is an art. ALAN MIKOLAJ A Travel Guide to Leadership In the ever-evolving journey of leadership, a new archetype has emerged, one that embodies the essence of love, service, and continuous growth. Let me introduce you to Sarah, a fictional character who embodies the qualities of what we may call a New Millennial Leader. As we embark on a journey through her leadership style, we'll uncover the transformative power of aligning vision, fostering genuine connections, and embracing the present moment. Setting the Stage Sarah's story begins with a childhood passion for music, a journey that taught her the art of discipline, concentration, and patience. Just like mastering an instrument, leadership demands dedication and a willingness to learn. As Eric Fromm aptly puts it when describing the art of love, leadership too is an art—one that requires awareness and continuous practice. Defining the Journey Sarah, our Modern Leader, is on a mission—a mission to serve others and contribute to something bigger than herself. She understands that success isn't just about personal achievements but about making a meaningful impact on the lives of others. With her life mission, leadership philosophy, and core values always at the center, her Leadership GPS is always on. She navigates through life with clarity, meaning, and purpose. Living with Intention Each day, Sarah takes time to reflect on her vision, mission, and purpose. She doesn't just think about them; she feels them deeply, visualizing the manifestation of her goals and embracing the emotional fire that drives her forward. Through gratitude practices and self-awareness, she realigns herself whenever she strays off course, choosing positivity over negativity. Leading with Love At the core of Sarah's leadership philosophy is love and service—love for her work, love for her team, and love for humanity. She listens empathically, communicates authentically, and nurtures genuine connections. Her team feels valued, supported, and inspired to excel, knowing that their leader genuinely cares about their well-being. Cultivating Integrity Integrity is the cornerstone of Sarah's leadership. She leads by example, upholding the highest ethical standards and fostering an environment of trust and accountability. Her genuine demeanor and transparency inspire confidence in her team, creating a culture of integrity and excellence. Embracing the Present Sarah lives in the now, fully immersed in each moment. While she sets goals and plans for the future, she understands the importance of being present and adaptable. She forgives past mistakes, learns from them, and approaches each day with optimism and resilience. Radiating Joy Perhaps the most remarkable quality of Sarah is her happiness—a genuine, deep-seated joy that emanates from her being. She finds joy in the simplest of moments, spreading positivity wherever she goes. Her infectious energy uplifts those around her, creating a ripple effect of happiness and fulfillment. Becoming a New Millennial Leader As Lao-tzu wisely said, "The greatest leaders are those the people hardly know exist." Sarah epitomizes this sentiment, leading with humility, compassion, and grace. Her journey serves as an inspiration for us all to become a New Millennial Leader—leaders who prioritize love, service, and growth in every aspect of their lives. Do you want to make a profound impact? In a world hungry for authentic leadership, Sarah stands as a beacon of hope—a reminder that true leadership is not about titles or accolades but about the profound impact we have on the lives of others. As we embark on our own leadership journey, may we strive to embody the qualities of Sarah—a New Millennial Leader who leads with love, serves with humility, and inspires with authenticity.
Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page
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Validation of your truth is the essence of respect. JENNA RYAN We have been learning lessons about empathic or active listening for the past two weeks. We finish that conversation this week. Two weeks ago in lesson one of empathic listening, we learned that silence is the foundation of empathic listening. Last week, we discovered that lessons two and three were casting the bait and getting the story, respectively. This week, we explore the final lessons of empathic listening: Validation, Define the Problem, and Resolution. Remember, that empathic listening is best used:
Lesson #4: Validate Validation is the heart of not only great empathic listening, but of healthy human growth and development, wellbeing, and longevity. What is it? Validation is communicating to another person, even a child, that their responses, particularly their emotional responses, are understandable given the situation or context of what they're going through or have been through. Sadly, it's not common enough. Lack of validation as a child is associated with becoming emotionally dysregulated as an adult. And as adults, not receiving it from friends has been found to be associated with shorter telomeres; an indicator of premature aging. Invalidating relationships hurt us physically and emotionally. What are some typical validations?
Emotions Validation at its heart is emotional validation. As we listen empathically, we stay particularly aware of emotions—both our own and those of the other. Emotions guide us to meaning and are the motivator of behavior. While there are differing views among experts and Disney revealed only five emotions in the wonderful movie, Inside Out, Dr. Paul Ekman's classic identification of six basic emotions remains the most elegant and simple:
So, having a heads-up to basic emotions, gives you the starting point language for anticipating what someone might be feeling as they describe their experience. Validation is one of the most powerful empathic listening tools, or what humanistic psychology calls, a reflective statement. Hearing a validation or a reflective statement from someone can be extremely powerful. Lesson #5: Define the Problem You can validate at key points as someone tells you their story but at some point that story is going to start coming to a close. When that happens, this is a time that you can unsilence your mind and prepare to define the problem. To transition from Getting the Story and validation, you might say something like, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I'm understanding you correctly..." or "If I heard you right..." Then, you are going to posit an overarching definition of the problem with a reflective statement. The basic formula for a reflective statement is, "You feel X because Y." Variations could be:
The reason they are so powerful is that when you express a reflective statement, the other person hears their problem or situation as they are experiencing it from someone else. It's usually the first time that someone expressed true understanding and communicated it back accurately. It can be eye-opening. In response to such statements, you will often either hear a "Yes" or a "No." Sometimes, even though you got it right and they realize that you did, just hearing it back can immediately reframe their perspective and they'll say "No" and adjust their response back to you. The feeling of truly being listened to and understood fosters appreciation, admiration, and greater self-awareness. Lesson #6: The Solution Charles Kettering once said, "A problem well-stated is a problem half solved." That is true of a good reflective statement. If you hear some type of affirmative response to your reflective statement, the next thing to do in an empathic conversation is to help the person find a solution by asking any number of questions to get them started:
The empathic listener does not offer advice or easy solutions. Instead, continue to use empathic listening to help someone arrive at their own solution. As we empathically listen, reflect, and help clarify, the person reframes their problem more clearly and comes up with their own solution. Solutions they hadn’t seen before may become readily apparent—and because they weren’t given advice, talked down to, judged, or given an easy solution to try, they now have strong ownership of the solution. We can invite self-accountability with things like:
Benefits of Empathy Research on empathy demonstrates clear benefits for both the speaker and the listener. As a leader who chooses to listen with empathy or love, we get to share the joys of others and feel good about giving someone an opportunity to talk about something important and resolve it. Another perk is that we are prized by those we listen to. They come to see us as someone who cares about them and understands them. We are someone they can go to and rely on in times of need. The benefits for the other who is being listened to, experience a profound feeling of being heard and understood. This has a calming effect that facilitates further opening up, intimacy, and appreciation. This fosters relationships – not just with us, but with others, as well. They feel less alone and less isolated and more connected. They feel happier and happier people are healthier, too. Finally, empathic listening helps makes sense of a puzzling situation or experience. They can more easily see solutions or steps towards solutions that they may have never seen before. They get more work done. Researchers report that empathic managers tended to have employees who reported less physical illness (somatic) complaints, were more positive and happy, and who felt like they made more progress on their daily work goals than employees of non-empathic managers did. The Six Steps of Empathic Listening
Download my free infographic below. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page If you missed last week's blog, Empathic Listening Lesson #1: Silence, you may want to read that before exploring lessons two and three. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek FROM THE PRAYER OF ST. FRANCIS We continue our exploration of the art of listening and how to leverage its transformative power in our personal and professional lives. To that effect, I want to back up just a bit. I want to say that while empathic listening can be used any time, it is best reserved for times when someone is emotionally charged (positive or negative) and/or when the subject matter is deeply important to the individual. While we most often associate empathic listening with negative issues, feelings, and experiences, you can absolutely celebrate something wonderful someone has experienced using empathic or active listening techniques. We learned last week that silence is the foundation of empathic listening and curiosity just might be the first brick to lay on that foundation. So with that in mind, how do I even start an empathic conversation with someone? Empathic Listening Lesson #2: Casting the Bait Some people are secretly and quietly (maybe even desperately), wanting someone to talk to about an issue. Others are not. If you have suspicions or outright evidence that someone might need someone to talk to and truly listen to them, we start with curiosity by casting the bait. We start with noticing. Start by saying or asking something like:
Opening up by casting the bait demonstrates dignity and respect for someone. We aren't assuming anything. We approach with curiosity and sensitivity for the other. We are creating a potential sacred space for them, if they want it. If they take the bait and want to talk, they will. If not, we respect that and say something like, “My door is always open if you change your mind.” The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words. ROY T. BENNETT Empathic Listening Lesson #3: Get the Story Dr. Stephen Covey famously said "Diagnose before you prescribe." Every single profession that involves any type of problem-solving—law, medicine, sales, etc.—without exception, always first seeks to understand before taking any action. Understanding always precedes judgement. Lawyers go through a discovery process, which often includes building the opposing arguments case, too. Doctors examine, test, and diagnose before they prescribe drugs or treatment. Educators often do pre-assessment testing before teaching. Most people don't listen to understand. They listen to reply or to influence or get their way. So like we said last week, when we actively listen, not only must we be curious, we have to be silent. Not just physically silent, but quiet our mind, our judgements, and any urge to reply with our own stories, too. So, we become like an investigative reporter and try to get the story. And what do good investigative reporters do? They ask questions and then shut up and let the person talk. Some general guidelines as you start an empathic conversation:
Avoid "Why?" questions. Why avoid why questions? What word starts the answer to almost every 'why' question? Because. And the word because is a defense and the last thing we want someone to do during active listening is to become defensive. Defensiveness is the first stage of anxiety, anger, and crisis. Use the 7-Second Rule after asking a question. Wait for seven seconds before saying or asking anything else. Instead, try something like, “I can’t hear what you’re thinking.” Use “Really?” “Uh-huh…” “I see…” “Hmmm..” often. As they speak, let go of your own thoughts, what you would do, how it would make you feel, etc. Dig deep into what happened and how that was for them. Avoid the temptation to share your “Bigger Fish” story and don't offer possible solutions or give advice. Use open-ended questions to further discussion and exploration. Closed-ended (yes/no) questions tend to close down discussion. For every level of volume the person goes up, step down your volume one level. Ask questions that help them gain perspective. After key statements or conclusions, it's okay to use paraphrasing or even repeating back what someone has said and then pausing to see how it lands. Avoid and be wary of saying exaggerating words like must, should, always, and never. And when someone else uses them, consider just mirroring back the single exaggerating word in the form of a question. For example:
When we integrate these strategies into our active or empathic listening conversations, we create a safe and sacred space for both people; one where someone can truly share without judgement, advice, or having it contaminated by someone else's story. Just remember, it's not about the nail. NEXT WEEK: Empathic Listening, Lessons Four, Five, & Six Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page The roots of effective leadership lie in simple things, one of which is listening. Listening to someone demonstrates respect; it shows that you value their ideas and are willing to hear them. JOHN BALDONI It was late Monday morning as I drove into a haven nestled in the Texas Medical Center: St. Dominic Village. It's a Catholic retirement and retreat facility and the peace was palpable as I drove towards the Joseph A. Fiorenza Priest Residence building. I was going to meet an old friend who I had met many years ago when I was in the seminary and hadn't seen in some years. As I cozied into a soft couch, we began to talk and catch-up. After a few minutes, I suddenly became aware that he was doing something I routinely do in coaching: He was really listening. It felt like the tables had been pleasantly turned on me. I hadn't been listened to like that in a while. He would ask a question and then be silent—not just physically silent, but it was apparent that his mind and spirit were quiet too; listening without judgement or agenda. I was given a rare gift that day and I am grateful for it and I am grateful for him and his friendship. The Anagram of Empathic Listening Silence is the foundation of empathic listening. It's intriguing how the words silent and listen share the same letters, emphasizing the symbiotic relationship between the two. To truly listen like my friend did with me, we must not only quiet our mouths but also silence our inner chatter—the thoughts, judgments, stories, and distractions that often clutter our minds. The Bigger Fish Story Syndrome Consider the phenomenon of the "Bigger Fish Story Syndrome," when instead of fully engaging with the speaker, we're preoccupied with formulating our response or recounting our own experiences, usually to one-up them. While I'm telling you about the big fish I caught this past weekend, you're already gearing up in your mind about the bigger fish you caught a year ago. This self-centered approach inhibits genuine communication, perpetuating what psychologist Carolyn Schwartz aptly terms the "dyadic monologue culture." I share something that's bothering me and you say, "That's too bad. Let me talk about what's bothering me." Bracketing True listening requires discipline, as psychiatrist Dr. M. Scott Peck suggests. He called it bracketing, "the temporary giving up or setting aside of one’s own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker’s world from the inside, inside his or her shoes.” By embracing this practice, we create an open space for curiosity and new knowledge, respect, appreciation, and growth. In his poignant description, psychologist Dan Gottlieb highlights the transformative power of silence for him, "There was a new silence inside me, and in the silence I was able to hear people’s hearts. We can only hear with our heart when the noises of the ego are quiet. That’s when we’re open... It can be found when we listen with our hearts." Thus, to listen effectively, we must heed the anagram of listen and be silent, allowing us to listen with our hearts. The principal form that the work of love takes is attention… By far the most common and important way in which we can exercise our attention is by listening. DR. M. SCOTT PECK Stress, Executive Functioning, & Listening The executive functions of the frontal lobes play a pivotal role in empathic listening. In addition to the higher abilities of conceptual thinking, recognizing and learning patterns, decision-making, planning, and organization, one of the most important executive functions of the frontal lobe is inhibition. It is because of our frontal lobes that we can inhibit and delay thoughts and actions in order to delay higher-order gratification and outcomes. That is why empathic listening is such work. We have to make the choice to inhibit our thoughts, emotions, and actions—one of the highest functions of our intellect—and that will take practice. Stress and other negative states and emotions restricts blood flow to our frontal lobes, and therefore, impedes the functioning of our executive functions. So, like my friend, we must quiet our mouth, our mind, our heart, and our spirit in order to fully empathically listen. Meditate to Regenerate To hone our empathic listening skills, we can cultivate mindfulness through practices like breath work, meditation, contemplation, and yoga. By focusing on our breath and clearing our minds, we reduce stress and enhance our ability to silence distractions and attune ourselves to others. Basic meditation offers a simple yet powerful technique to cultivate silence and enhance inhibition. By dedicating just five to ten minutes daily to mindful breathing and awareness, we prepare ourselves to be better listeners, creating an empty space that invites genuine connection and understanding. Alan's Basic Meditation Technique
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 In the realm of empathic listening, silence isn't empty; it's full of potential. It's a space where hearts connect, minds engage, and understanding blossoms. So let's embrace the silent art of listening and unlock its transformative power in our personal and professional lives. NEXT WEEK: Empathic Listening, Lesson 2: Get the Story Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page We all need people who will give us feedback. BILL GATES The most effective leaders are committed to developing their team members and helping them reach professional goals—and let's be real, helping them to be more successful means you can all go out for fancier team lunches. And the bedrock of developing direct reports? Feedback — effective feedback. Knowing how to effectively deliver feedback not only grows and develops your team, it boosts engagement, team success, and your reputation as a leader. Plus, it reduces the chances of you hiding in the break room to avoid awkward encounters. But how do you deliver effective feedback? Below are eight tips or strategies to use as a springboard to help you deliver more effective feedback. 1) Create a psychologically safe environment and team culture. Dedication to creating psychological safety is a must for effective feedback. Elif Suner, a member of the Forbes Coaches Council, said in a recent article, "This dedication to psychological safety guarantees that direct reports will not only accept feedback, but also embrace it with warmth and openness." By encouraging the sharing of ideas and perspectives without the fear of repercussions and encouraging healthy and productive conflict and discussions, you lay the groundwork for providing feedback in a safe, goal-oriented manner. You can learn more about creating a psychologically safe workplace in this article from the Center for Creative Leadership: What Is Psychological Safety at Work? How Leaders Can Build Psychologically Safe Workplaces. 2) Remember the Magic Ratio. The Magic Ratio was pioneered by Dr. Daniel Gottman, a renowned psychologist with an extensive body of work. He found and others have confirmed that the secret to any stable and flourishing relationship lies within the balance of positive and negative interactions. Think of it as the PB&J of workplace interactions—a little sweetness goes a long way. The findings reveal that in order for a relationship to be stable and healthy, a minimum of five positive interactions are required to offset the impact of a single negative encounter or a ratio of 5:1. Researchers Marcial Losada and Emily Heaphy found that high-performance teams exhibit a positivity-to-negativity ratio or P/N of around 6:1 with a "flourishing zone" they dubbed "The Losada Zone." While most of us 'get' how too much negativity can be bad for team dynamics, they found that we actually need negativity in order to flourish as a team. But not just any negativity, "negativity" in the form of healthy, productive conflict and feedback. And, while we might think that 'always being positive' or having as much positivity as possible is a good thing, the research doesn't pan that out. Too much positivity or even toxic positivity is actually not good for team dynamics either. It's like finding the sweet spot between languishing in prison and the overwhelming exhilaration of bungee jumping off the Zhangjiajie Glass Bridge in China. If you want to learn more about the Magic Ratio and the Losada Zone, I wrote about it here: Enhancing Leadership Success Through the Magic Ratio. Keep in mind that feedback can be positive or critical/corrective. 3) Prepare in advance, if possible. Think of preparing your feedback as rehearsing for the big performance—you want to be ready to rock the feedback stage. While it may not always be possible, taking a few short minutes to prepare will enhance feedback success. Consider including things like your intention or why you're giving the feedback. Jot down a few bullet points so that you don't miss anything (see below). 4) Do it quickly and frequently. Whether you're delivering positive feedback (rewards and recognition) or critical/corrective feedback, the sooner, the better. Giving timely feedback while memories are fresh have a greater impact and allow us to discover more about the behaviors and the circumstances that may have been driving them. Don't wait until next month's one-on-one. You don't want your feedback to be like forgetting to water a plant—don't wait until it's a shriveled mess to give it a drink. Frequent feedback to everyone on your team builds a culture of both reward and recognition, where effective actions and results get rewarded, and accountability. Not holding people accountable damages your credibility as a leader and it is a sure way to drive away, or at the least disengage, your high performers. Think of delivering critical feedback as tending to your garden—you need to pull out the weeds while they're small before they take over. 5) Be specific. Focus on vision, mission, values, goals and behaviors, not the person. Feedback, at its core, is geared to either reinforce or discourage behaviors. We reinforce behaviors that exemplify values and mission and promote and lead to goal achievement. We discourage behaviors that are antithetical to our values or do not lead to goal achievement, like customer service, safety, efficiency, and quality. Think of it as being the director of a play—you're critiquing the performance, not the actor. So, be specific. Name the behavior(s) and the impact they made on others, goals, culture, etc. Differentiate between facts about what happened, your thoughts and the stories in your head about it, how it made you feel, and what you actually want in the future. This is called the Experience Cube. Think of it as building a LEGO set—you need clear instructions to get the final masterpiece. Name-calling and judgements about the person violate our number one strategy above. Plus, nobody likes a workplace with more drama than a daytime soap opera. 6) Approach with curiosity: Ask a question first. This strategy helps you immensely with the previous one. We are all subject to the confirmation bias. When we're asked why we did something
7) Approach feedback with compassion and empathy. A new trend in leadership is integrating coaching techniques into your leadership—part of why you're there is to listen, understand, and help them grow. Empathic listening and compassion are two strong tools to do that and you build psychological safety and strong relationships along the way. They are also great for healthy, productive conflict and feedback. This takes extra energy, focus, and self-awareness. You listen to understand and not to respond or judge. You probe for deeper understanding and reflect back what others are saying to check that you got it right. What you hear may sometimes actually cause you to pivot from your original feedback. Think of this strategy as navigating through a maze—you may need to take a few twists and turns to reach the solution. 8) Invite them to share their questions and any concerns. As you wrap up, think of putting a cherry on top of the feedback sundae—the perfect ending to a constructive conversation. You do that by inviting them to share any questions or concerns. This allows further sharing, clarification, and understanding. Then, go back full circle to your intention and why you gave the feedback and what you expect moving forward. If it's positive feedback, close with the impact on mission, vision, values, and/or goals. And no matter whether it was positive or constructive feedback, always close by thanking them in some way. With these strategies in your toolkit, you're poised to revolutionize the way you deliver feedback. So, buckle up and prepare to embark on a journey of growth, development, and perhaps, a little fun along the way. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page Leader development strategies in organizations that are products of the same zombie ideas carrying high expectations coupled with the pressure to sort out everyday problems may provide no constructive avenue for leader development either. TATIANA BACHKIROVA & PETER JACKSON Oxford Brookes Business School Understanding 'Zombie Leadership' In a recent groundbreaking paper titled, Zombie leadership: Dead ideas that still walk among us, researchers from Australia, Sweden, and the UK shed light on a concept that's quietly infiltrated many organizations: Zombie leadership. Drawing on a similar concept from economics research, these are leadership concepts upheld not by evidence or critical analysis, but by groups pushing their own agendas. As the authors aptly put it, controlling the narrative of leadership means controlling power dynamics within organizations and society. Some of these zombie leadership ideas include:
These misconceptions often seep into leadership training programs, hindering genuine development and perpetuating unrealistic standards. And a great deal of dominant leadership theories that are relied upon for training are about heroic leaders and relatively passive masses—definitely a zombie idea. In addition, these theories are abstract and difficult to put into practice. They also set up an ideal standard so high, that it challenges actual leaders to strive for that ideal image and performance that can cause one to lose confidence and feel frustrated and secretly defeated. The researchers go into depth exploring the eight "axioms" of zombie leadership that they identify and the threats they each pose. They said, "The threat posed by zombie leadership is manifold and it contributes to the creation of a deeply unequal world... " What do leaders really want and need? Recognizing the shortcomings of zombie leadership, researchers at Oxford Brookes Business School delved into what leaders genuinely require to tackle challenges and grow. Their study, What do leaders really want to learn in a workplace? A study of the shifting agendas of leadership coaching, dissected the interplay between external and internal factors shaping leaders' learning needs. They recognized that "Leader development strategies in organizations that are products of the same zombie ideas carrying high expectations coupled with the pressure to sort out everyday problems may provide no constructive avenue for leader development either." By analyzing coaching sessions over time, the researchers identified a spectrum of topics reflecting leaders' evolving needs. They examined how both outside factors (leaders' environments) and personal (or internal motivations and mechanisms) come together to impact leaders' experience and learning needs at work. They asked coaches in long-term coaching relationships with leaders ( six months to one year) to document coaching themes and time-tagged them at three points in the coaching relationship: Beginning, middle, and end. This allowed them to create a taxonomy of coaching topics that represented the intersection between the clients' external and internal demands that create their experiences. Coaching topics are what the client brings to the coaching session to focus on in order to grow, develop, and strategize action plans with the purpose of achieving goals and meeting developmental needs. This strategy allowed them to not only identify what leaders wanted to learn but also when these topics typically came up for leaders throughout the coaching relationship. What leaders really want Forty topics emerged that were grouped into eight categories.
Key take-aways
Conclusion In a landscape littered with zombie leadership ideas, it's imperative to shift focus towards authentic leader development. By acknowledging leaders' multifaceted needs and providing tailored support, organizations can foster environments where leaders thrive and grow, transcending the limitations of outdated paradigms. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page The mission of the individual needs to align with the mission of the team, which needs to align with the mission of the organization. CHARLES GARFIELD Author of the widely acclaimed "Peak Performance" trilogy: Peak Performers, Team Management, & Second to None In the tapestry of leadership, purpose serves as the guiding thread weaving together individuals, teams, organizations, and society at large. Charles Garfield's profound insight encapsulates the essence of purpose-driven leadership—a philosophy that transcends individual aspirations to embrace collective missions that resonate with the pulse of humanity and the planet. At the core of purpose-driven leadership lies the acknowledgment that each individual possesses a unique life mission and a set of deeply held core values. In addition to that, leaders need a personal leadership philosophy. These elements serve as the compass guiding one's journey, illuminating the path toward fulfillment and significance. However, the true power of purpose emerges when it converges with the missions of teams, organizations, and society—a harmonious alignment that ignites transformational change. Garfield's words echo the interconnectedness of missions, emphasizing the imperative of alignment. Just as a conductor orchestrates a symphony, a purpose-driven leader harmonizes the diverse voices within their team, aligning individual passions with collective goals. This alignment fosters a sense of belonging and shared purpose, fueling collaboration and innovation. Yet, the scope of purpose extends beyond the confines of the organization. A purpose-driven leader recognizes their responsibility to contribute to the greater good of society and the planet. They understand that organizational success is not measured solely by profit margins but by the positive impact it generates on communities and the environment. Thus, they strive to align the mission of their organization with broader societal and planetary needs, fostering sustainability, equity, and social responsibility. More than ever, we need purpose-driven leaders like this today. Leveraging purpose as a catalyst for change requires intentionality and vision. It begins with the introspective journey of self-discovery, as leaders identify their own life mission, core values, and leadership philosophy. Armed with this clarity, they can then articulate a compelling vision that inspires and mobilizes their team toward a common goal. Creating a shared mission and values statement with the team reinforces a sense of unity and direction, cultivating a culture rooted in meaning and purpose. Through open dialogue and collaboration, leaders empower their team members to contribute their unique strengths and perspectives, fostering a sense of ownership and commitment. Studies continue to demonstrate how internal or intrinsic motivators and reinforcement, like meaning and purpose, are what really drives behavior, engagement, retention and more. The journey toward alignment does not end within the confines of the organization. Purpose-driven leaders recognize the interconnectedness of their mission with the broader context of society and the planet. They champion causes that promote social justice, environmental sustainability, and community empowerment, aligning the organization's efforts with the greater good. In the tapestry of leadership, purpose serves as the unifying thread that connects individuals, teams, organizations, and society. As leaders, it is our responsibility to weave a narrative of purpose that transcends boundaries and inspires collective action. By aligning our missions with the needs of the world around us, we can create a ripple effect of positive change that reverberates far beyond the confines of our organizations and our lifetimes. In the grand symphony of life, let purpose be our guiding melody—a harmonious blend of individual aspirations and collective endeavors, resonating with the heartbeat of humanity and the planet we call home. To embark on your own journey of purpose-driven leadership, learn more about our Purpose-Driven Leadership Program here.
I am who I am… This is what you shall tell the Israelites: I AM sent me to you. THE VOICE OF GOD Exodus 3:14 (Amplified Bible, Classic Edition) The name of God for the Israelites is the word Yahweh, which means, "He is." The Hebrew word from the Torah, ‘ehyeh, means “I Am.” When Moses asked who should he say who sent him when he encountered the burning bush, God's answer in the original ancient Hebrew was “’ehyeh ’asher ’ehyeh” or “I am who I am” or in other translations, "I am that I am." Jesus of Nazareth later makes reference to this using the word "'ehyeh" when referencing himself when he is quoted as saying, “I solemnly declare it: before Abraham came to be, I Am” (John 8:58). According to the story, this prompted people in the crowd to pick up stones to throw at him at such blasphemy. He escaped without incident. The Sanskrit word Aham, also means "I am." The ancient OM pronounced "AUM", familiar to many who practice meditation, is a derivative of Aham. OM is considered to be the original name of God by many Hindus and that by repeating the sound as a mantra during meditation, can help you deeply relax and achieve higher levels of consciousness and powers of manifestation. Hindus believe that in the creation of the universe, the divine, all-encompassing consciousness took the form of the first and original vibration, manifesting as the powerful sound AUM. The sound of AUM resonates in many religious and spiritual traditions for the name of the Divine Creating Force or Ultimate Being: Allah, Alpha and Omega, I Am, Buddha, God, Krishna, Ra, Tao, or Yahweh, for example. The sound of “ah” is common in all of these names. Dr. Wayne Dyer says about this sound, “…you begin to manifest without the use of the mind. It is done through the power of sound… It is the first sound of creation.” Saying positive “I am...” statements and using the AUM sound as a mantra can be a powerful experience, especially if done positively, routinely, and consistently. It can help you enter a meditative state more quickly, relax more fully, and can help you achieve higher levels of consciousness or a higher state of being. It calms the mind and brings about a peaceful state. It is then that you are most creative, more focused, make better decisions, and are more effective. Some believe that invoking the Great I Am invokes the power of creation and manifestation and so, to be very careful about what we follow with any "I am..." statement. Our negative self-talk like, "I am stupid" or "I am a failure" or "I am poor" can, whether through human psychology or the power of unwittingly invoking God's name, be self-fulfilling prophecies or invoking a universal spiritual power. In The Purpose-Driven Leadership Program, I share a powerful, inspirational YouTube video that I sometimes use as a great way to start my day or give myself a pick-me-up whenever I feel like I need one. What Successful People Do In the First 8 Minutes of Their Morning features several prominent speakers, including Joel Olsteen. In the video he addresses the power of "I am..." statements. Today I want to share it with you below. One of my favorite ways to integrate the AUM sound comes from a powerful musical meditation that Wayne Dyer created to support his book, Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting. He reports that in his research while writing his book, he came upon another book by James F. Twyman, The Moses Code, and found that tonal qualities could be created to match the Great I am. I am so grateful that it is still available on YouTube and I use it often. It's beautiful and peaceful tones and music while meditating or contemplating can be powerful. It opens with some explanation by Dr. Dyer and the actual meditation starts at 07:20. It's a long video. So, I usually only listen to just a few minutes while I sit and do some block breathing and either contemplate some aspects of my Life Mission/Leadership Philosophy and Core Values statement or just meditate, quieting my mind and body. Enjoy! Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page For behold, the kingdom of God is within you [in your hearts] and among you [surrounding you]. JESUS OF NAZARETH Luke 17:21 (Amplified Bible, Classic Edition) The Rabbi’s Gift was written in 1979 by the hermit, Francis Dorff, O. Praem and made popular by M. Scott Peck, MD, by reproducing a version of it in the prologue to his book, The Different Drum. I shared the below version in a blog (not sure where I got it) in August of 2012. Since my server only goes back to October of that year, I'm re-sharing it with you today. We need its message more than ever today. THE RABBI'S GIFT A famous monastery had fallen on hard times. Formerly its many buildings were filled with young monks, but now it was all but deserted. People no longer came there to be nourished by prayer, and only a handful of old monks shuffled through the cloisters serving God with heavy hearts. On the edge of the monastery woods, an old rabbi had built a little hut. He would come there, from time to time, to fast and pray. No one ever spoke with him, but whenever he appeared, the word would be passed from monk to monk, “The rabbi walks in the woods.” And, for as long as he was there, the monks would feel sustained by his prayerful presence. One day the abbot decided to visit the rabbi and open his heavy heart to him. So, after the morning Eucharist, he set out through the woods. As he approached the hut, the abbot saw the rabbi standing in the doorway, as if he had been awaiting the abbot's arrival, his arms outstretched in welcome. They embraced like long-lost brothers. The two entered the hut where, in the middle of the room, stood a wooden table with the scriptures open on it. They sat for a moment in the presence of the Book. Then the rabbi began to weep. The abbot could not contain himself. He covered his face with his hands and began to cry too. For the first time in his life, he cried his heart out. The two men sat there like lost children, filling the hut with their shared pain and tears. But soon the tears ceased and all was quiet. The rabbi lifted his head. “You and your brothers are serving God with heavy hearts,” he said. “You have come to ask a teaching of me. I will give you a teaching, but you can repeat it only once. After that, no one must ever say it aloud again.” The rabbi looked straight at the abbot and said, “The Messiah is among you.” For a while, all was silent. The rabbi said, “Now you must go.” The abbot left without a word and without ever looking back. The next morning, the abbot called his monks together in the chapter room. He told them he had received a teaching from the 'rabbi who walks in the woods' and that the teaching was never again to be spoken aloud. Then he looked at the group of assembled brothers and said, “The rabbi said that one of us is the Messiah.” The monks were startled by this saying. “What could it mean?” they asked themselves. “Is Brother John the Messiah? Or Brother Matthew or Brother Thomas? Am I the Messiah? What could all this mean?” They were all deeply puzzled by the rabbi's teaching, but no one ever mentioned it again. As time went by, the monks began to treat one another with a new and very special reverence. A gentle, warm-hearted, concern began to grow among them which was hard to describe but easy to notice. They began to live with each other as people who had finally found the special something they were looking for, yet they prayer the Scriptures together as people who were always looking for something else. When visitors came to the monastery they found themselves deeply moved by the life of these monks. Word spread, and before long people were coming from far and wide to be nourished by the prayer life of the monks and to experience the loving reverence in which they held each other. Soon, other young men were asking, once again, to become a part of the community, and the community grew and prospered. In those days, the rabbi no longer walked in the woods. His hut had fallen into ruins. Yet somehow, the old monks who had taken his teaching to heart still felt sustained by his wise and prayerful presence. What does the story mean to you? Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page Contentment is the only real wealth. ALFRED NOBEL In a world that constantly bombards us with messages of striving for more, it's easy to lose sight of what truly constitutes wealth. Alfred Nobel, the visionary behind the Nobel Prizes, understood this paradox intimately. Despite his journey from childhood poverty to immense wealth, he recognized that material riches alone did not equate to contentment or fulfillment. His assertion that contentment is the ultimate wealth resonates profoundly in today's hyper-competitive society which always seem to scream, "More!" Benjamin Franklin echoed this sentiment, emphasizing that contentment transcends financial status. He understood that a mindset of gratitude and satisfaction enriches even the humblest of circumstances. Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN But contentment shouldn't be misconstrued as complacency. True contentment, as Nobel and Franklin both exemplified, coexists with a relentless pursuit of purpose, growth, and contribution. It's about embracing the present moment while striving for progress—a dynamic equilibrium between gratitude and ambition. Nobel continued to invent and patent hundreds of things to help improve the world even after he had amassed great wealth. Even at 80 years old, Franklin continued to serve the burgeoning new US as a well-respected senior statesman. As leaders, cultivating this mindset is paramount. In the midst of ambitious goals and relentless pursuits, it's easy to succumb to the illusion that external achievements alone define success. However, true leadership stems from a deep-rooted sense of contentment—a wellspring of inner peace that radiates outward, inspiring and empowering others. So how do we cultivate this invaluable asset in our lives and leadership journeys? First, it begins with a shift in perspective. Instead of fixating on what we lack or desire, we must train ourselves to appreciate the abundance that surrounds us. Practicing gratitude daily can rewire our brains to focus on the positives, fostering a sense of contentment irrespective of external circumstances. Secondly, identify, clarify, and leverage your purpose. We can use our imagination to develop a vision of what and who we want to become, what difference we want to make in the world, and to use our conscience to decide what principles and values will guide us. When we have a clear sense of purpose, it organizes and drives purposeful goals, helps us manage behaviors, and provides a sense of deeper meaning. It promotes greater goal commitment and engagement with our goals. It gives us a reason to get up in the morning. When we work at something which fate or the Divine has called us to—to something which we work at and which we love—the work-joy dichotomy disappears. When we believe in and act on something that gives us greater meaning and purpose in our lives, we simply try harder, work longer, are more creative, and produce better results, products, and outcomes. It also serves to bind others together in a higher, common cause and boosts engagement, connection, and team cohesion. It brings a sense of greater contribution and fulfillment. Third, embracing a growth mindset allows us to pursue excellence without being consumed by perfectionism or comparison. Understanding that failure is an inevitable part of growth liberates us from the shackles of fear and insecurity, paving the way for authentic fulfillment. Lastly, connecting with a community of like-minded individuals who share our values and aspirations can provide invaluable support and accountability on our journey towards contentment and purpose-driven leadership. In essence, the true wealth lies not in the accumulation of possessions or accolades, but in the richness of our inner landscape—the contentment that transcends circumstances and fuels our journey towards meaningful contribution and fulfillment. Call to Action Ready to embark on your journey towards purpose-driven leadership and personal growth? Explore our Purpose-Driven Leadership Program, coaching services, speaking engagements, and transformative assessments like the LPI360. Connect with us to unlock your full potential and lead with authenticity and impact. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a seasoned coach and leadership development consultant with nearly 20 years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email: Contact Page |
Alan Mikolaj
Alan Mikolaj is a a professional, experienced, positive, and passionate speaker, leadership and organizational development consultant, change agent, author, and coach. He holds his Master of Arts degree in Clinical Psychology from Sam Houston State University. He is a certified graduate coach from Coaching Out of the Box and holds his ACC and membership with the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Free Discovery Conversation!
Impactful change starts with a conversation! Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan
Or call or email: Contact Page In his third book, A Travel Guide to Leadership, Alan offers you simple, fundamental, and powerful lessons that have the power to transform you, your relationships, and your career.
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