The first step to take is to become aware that love is an art, just as living is an art; if we want to learn how to love we must proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we want to learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or the art of medicine or engineering. ERIC FROMM In the pursuit of becoming exemplary leaders, we can find ourselves drawn to Eric Fromm's insightful words, "The first step to take is to become aware that love is an art, just as living is an art." This sentiment beautifully captures the essence of leadership as a journey intertwined with the art of loving and living. As we embark on this journey to become the most effective leaders, let's explore how the principles of artistry, discipline, and interwoven love can shape our leadership endeavors. The Melodic Journey of Mastery Allow me to share a personal story that resonates with Fromm's wisdom, echoing the connection between mastery and love. When I was nine years old, I embarked on the path of learning to play the piano. Despite initial reluctance, guided by my mother's encouragement, I dived into the world of music. Like any beginner, I grappled with deciphering the mysterious notes and symbols sprawled across the sheet music. Yet, with time, dedication, and practice, those once disconnected elements began to harmonize. Much like mastering an art form, effective leadership demands discipline, concentration, and patience. Just as the piano required me to learn notation, finger placement, and posture, leadership involves grasping diverse tasks and nuances. With unwavering dedication, these aspects gradually converge, paving the way for mastery. The parallels between learning an instrument and cultivating leadership skills are evident in the necessity of continual practice and learning to maintain excellence. Love & Leadership: A Synchronized Symphony The intricate dance of leadership finds its counterpart in the art of loving. Fromm's assertion that "love is an art" extends beyond romantic notions to encompass the core of leadership itself. Leadership devoid of love risks descending into a transient, self-centered force, breeding oppression and coercion. On the other hand, love detached from leadership becomes an ephemeral dependency, devoid of true meaning. When we intertwine love and leadership, a powerful transformation occurs. The result is not fleeting or fragile; it's enduring and robust—a state of being. In a world craving compassionate guidance rooted in values and principles, the mantle of leadership rests upon the shoulders of individuals who recognize the inherent connection between these two arts. Whether in the realms of government, industry, playgrounds, or homes, the role of what I call a New Millennial Leader (NML) holds the promise of impactful change. Embracing the Journey As we reflect on Fromm's wisdom, let's internalize the essence of his words. The journey to becoming effective leaders isn't linear; it's an intricate tapestry woven from the threads of discipline, learning, and love. Just as my piano lessons sowed the seeds of musical prowess that later bloomed when I took up the clarinet and now a synthesizer that I use at our "Home Church" each Sunday morning, the skills we nurture today may unexpectedly flourish in our leadership journeys. In the grand symphony of life and leadership, each note contributes to the melody of our impact. The awareness that leadership is an art, inseparable from the art of loving, drives us toward a life-long commitment to growth, mentorship, and humility. In a world yearning for empathetic guidance, embracing the role of an NML is an honor that demands nothing less than the harmonious mastery of both love and leadership. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a coach and leadership development consultant with 15+ years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. Impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan maintains the ethics and standards of behavior established by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email me: Contact Page
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The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. ALICE MORSE EARLE Recall the iconic movie Back to the Future, where Michael J. Fox's character found himself transported through time in a high-tech DeLorean. While such fantastical time travel remains fiction, there's an equally powerful journey awaiting us: Harnessing the potential of the present moment. Unlike the DeLorean, we can't zoom through time, but we can lead through it—seizing the moment to cultivate transformative leadership. Embrace the Now In a world consumed by calendars and commitments, living for the weekend or future endeavors has become commonplace. Phrases like "I just gotta get through this week..." or "Thank God it's Friday!" are common refrains. But what happens when we spend so much time longing for the future that we miss the majority of our lives? Or, ruminate on the past breeding regret, guilt, and other negative emotions? The Challenge of Now The renowned Eckhart Tolle, in his book The Power of Now, astutely observes how we often treat the present as an obstacle, focusing on escaping it rather than embracing it. We do that in so many ways: Social media, streaming, meetings, and busyness that is neither urgent nor important. Yet, as Alice Morse Earle reminds us, the present is a gift—a realm where life unfolds. So, why not utilize this gift to fuel our leadership journey? Seizing Your Leadership Power Leadership isn't about worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Certainly, we learn from the past to inform our present, current state. And, we plan and strategize for the future. And, what should be guiding that? Our foundation of purpose, leadership philosophy, and core values that are connected to our team's and organization's mission, values, and goals. That foundation gives us laser focus in this moment. Leadership is about maximizing the power of the present—engaging with each moment fully and authentically with clear, purpose-driven leadership. Leaders who prioritize a purpose-driven present foster an environment of innovation, empathy, and effective decision-making. Their influence isn't limited to past accomplishments or future aspirations; it thrives in the here and now. If want to learn how to develop, articulate, and leverage your own leadership philosophy and core values, check this developmental experience out: Leading WITH Meaning & Purpose. Unveiling Leadership Development Unlocking your leadership potential isn't about gazing into a crystal ball. It's about creating and influencing the present based on purpose, principles, values, and goals using self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and empathy. These traits form the bedrock of impactful leadership, shaping the future by embracing the current. Tolstoy's Insight In Leo Tolstoy's short story, The Three Questions, he imparts wisdom about the power of now: Remember then: There is only one time that is important—Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. LEO TOLSTOY This insight is transformative. Our strength lies in the present, influencing ourselves and those we lead. Walking the Journey Living in the present doesn't negate learning from the past or planning for the future. However, when our minds are predominantly anchored in these temporal extremities, the present becomes an obstacle. We risk missing both dangers and joys that surround us. The key is to navigate the present moment while respecting our life's purpose and principles. The Step that Counts Think of life as a journey of a thousand miles—a series of nows. Lao Tzu's words, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," remind us that this step is where our influence resides. We've all seen that quote before and although this quote is usually used as encouragement for someone who is about to begin a major project or life mission, when you read the full 64th verse of the Tao Te Ching where it comes from, it is apparent that Lao Tzu is giving us far more wisdom than just a kick-off spurt of encouragement. Later in the verse he said: People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care at the end as at the beginning, then there will be no failure. LAO TZU It is through attentiveness to each and every step, each now, from beginning to end, that we achieve success and a fully-lived life. Tolle's Wisdom Eckart Tolle dismantles the notion of time's hold over us, emphasizing that the present is our only reality. "The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now." Now is where life unfolds; it is our canvas for leadership. Mastering the Now Being present isn't a rejection of past or future; it's the art of engaging with the moment wholly. In this state, we tend to our own needs, serve others with full attention, and exercise conscious leadership. With mindfulness as our guide, we can lead our teams, organizations, and lives more effectively. In the symphony of time, the present is our solo. As leaders, it's where our power resides—the ability to influence ourselves and others. Let's heed the wisdom of Tolstoy, Lao Tzu, and Tolle, acknowledging that every moment is a chance to shape our leadership journey. Don't merely live; lead, in the now. Your leadership journey starts with the present. Free gift! Download a complimentary copy of Tolstoy's timeless short story, The Three Questions, below (in the public domain). Immerse yourself in its wisdom and explore the dimensions of presence and leadership. Elevate the experience by listening to the captivating audio version on YouTube while you read along. Download: The Three Questions By Leo Tolstoy Enjoy this amazing and profound story originally written in 1885. Find out the answers to the three most important questions in life:
I had trouble getting the YouTube audio/video to play on my web browser. If you do too, just click the "Watch on YouTube" and it should play fine. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a coach and leadership development consultant with 15+ years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. Impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan maintains the ethics and standards of behavior established by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email me: Contact Page The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it. THUCYDIDES In 1986, I stood at a crossroads. Freshly discharged from the US Army after serving as a combat medic and practical nurse, I embarked on a new journey as a paramedic. The civilian world beckoned, but anxiety gripped me. With a blossoming young family to support, I faced managing my first emergency call in a civilian EMS system out of a 'box' (ambulance) with just a partner. No longer a student with the 'pros' to fall back on, a knot began to form in my stomach—I had never done it for real. Transitioning from the military to a civilian EMS system was a leap into the unknown. As a rookie paramedic, I felt the weight of responsibility for people's lives resting squarely on my shoulders. It wasn't just about the skills I'd learned; it was about stepping into a role that demanded courage, precision, and a clear sense of purpose. At the same time, I was meeting new teammates and trying to make my way as a rookie. In those early days, I discovered the reality of being a rookie in a tight-knit small-town EMS. We weren't just a team; we were a culture, a family. I was also being made very clear about what it means be the rookie in that culture. We were housed with the fire department, and they were as much a part of the team, culture, and, shall we say... the "on-boarding" process. Then came the moment of truth—my first emergency call. Petrified and yet fueled by determination, I charged ahead. It was a defining moment, a reminder of my purpose: to serve and make a difference. Like you, I faced challenges that stretched me, uncertainties that tested me, and growth opportunities that demanded I rise above—and I still do—almost every single day. As Thucydides wisely noted, true bravery arises when we have a crystal-clear vision and confront both glory and danger head-on. How clear is your vision? Your purpose? Are you prepared to navigate the dual landscapes of success and adversity? Are you ready to lead, not just manage? Amidst the turbulence of leadership, the clarity of purpose shines like a beacon. Sadly, many organizations overlook the power of purpose-driven leadership, despite evidence that it profoundly impacts long-term success. For example, Korn Ferry reports from a survey of over a thousand executives that nearly 70% of those executives endorsed that an organization’s commitment to purpose-driven leadership greatly impacts the long-term financial benefits of an organization—and yet, implementation of that endorsement is hard to find. Moreover, the survey underscores a critical gap—while every executive acknowledged the boost in productivity from a shared sense of purpose, only half believe their organizations effectively engage employees with this purpose. It's time to rekindle your vision. Leading with and through meaning and purpose isn't a luxury; it's a strategic imperative. Your leadership shapes productivity, financial growth, and the overall health of your team and organization. Now, let's go out and meet that challenge. For real. It has to be authentic or it's not going to work. Every leader needs to clearly know and be able to articulate why they are a leader and how they do that. They need to be able to connect that to their team's and their organization's mission, vision, and values. And, they need to be able to leverage that powerfully in their leadership. That's leading with meaning and purpose. Once mastered, a leader can then move on to engaging "their employees with purpose." There is an art and skill to guiding a team in the process of creating both a Shared Team Mission & Values Statement and a Shared Team Vision Statement—and then leveraging those effectively as a leader. That's leading through meaning and purpose. That's why I created The Purpose-Driven Leadership Program. It is comprised of two courses that meets both of these challenges:
This transformative program equips leaders with invaluable skills and insights into leading with greater meaning and purpose AND the tools to cultivate a thriving team culture that resonates with personal and shared purpose and a shared team vision. After engaging in this program, you will be equipped to positively impact key metrics such as employee engagement, productivity, innovation, revenue and financials, wellbeing, retention, and most importantly, your leadership effectiveness! This program can mark a turning point in your leadership expedition—a moment that shifts paradigms and leaves an indelible mark on you and those you lead. It can be delivered completely online and on-demand, hybrid, or as in-person workshops—whichever best meets you and your team's needs. Bold claims? Indeed. But time and again, I've witnessed leaders transform through the power of meaning and purpose. Those who lead with meaning and purpose foster unshakable impacts, amplified by a focused vision and a passion to guide others. Every great leader has had a clear, strong, guiding purpose that they passionately pursue. Do you? The Leadership Navigator Program: Unlocking Potential! Picture this potential amplified by adding the synergy of professional, confidential coaching and an unparalleled 360-degree feedback leadership assessment. Your leadership skyrockets. This is the launchpad of exemplary leadership development. Now, consider the alternative—stagnation. Imagine the cost of not evolving, not embracing a purpose-driven approach. What opportunities slip through your fingers? What legacy remains? What if you seize this moment? What if you embrace the challenge, step into your purpose, and embark on a journey of transformative leadership? The answer lies in your vision, your courage, and your willingness to act. Glory and danger coexist on the path to leadership excellence. Dare to envision it, pursue it, and leave an enduring legacy. Your journey starts now. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a coach and leadership development consultant with 15+ years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. Impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan maintains the ethics and standards of behavior established by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email me: Contact Page Amazingly, we have found that it all comes down to a simple mathematical formula; no matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive as negative moments together if your marriage is to be stable. JOHN GOTTMAN In the realm of successful leadership, a transformative concept known as the "Magic Ratio" has emerged, igniting new paths to thriving and flourishing relationships and teams, both personal and professional. Pioneered by Dr. Daniel Gottman, a renowned psychologist with an extensive body of work, the Magic Ratio encapsulates a profound revelation that transcends the boundaries of human interactions. Dr. Gottman's journey into understanding the dynamics of successful marriages began in 1972, eventually leading him to uncover a pivotal truth. His groundbreaking research unveiled a simple yet impactful mathematical formula that serves as a guiding light for leaders seeking to foster prosperous relationships and create thriving environments. Unveiling the Magic Ratio In a world where complexities abound, Dr. Gottman distilled his years of meticulous research into a remarkable insight: The secret to a stable and flourishing relationship lies within the balance of positive and negative interactions. This profound revelation, often referred to as the Magic Ratio, posits that in order for a relationship to be stable and healthy, a minimum of five positive interactions are required to offset the impact of a single negative encounter or a ratio of 5:1. Drawing from a comprehensive study involving over 650 couples across fourteen years, Dr. Gottman and his team delved into the intricate fabric of human communication. Their analyses encompassed not only verbal exchanges but also nonverbal cues, physiological responses, and more. Through this meticulous scrutiny, a staggering ninety-three percent accuracy rate in predicting marital stability or divorce was achieved. Evolutionary Underpinnings This heightened sensitivity to negativity, deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history, plays a critical role in our survival instincts. In ancient times, our ancestors' acute awareness of potential threats ensured their continued existence. While this disposition proved advantageous then, it often hinders our modern interactions and decision-making processes. Any negative thought or feeling we have interferes with the higher-order parts of our brain that are involved with language processing, listening, and speech. In fact, simply seeing the word ‘NO’ induces the stress response while seeing the word ‘YES’ has minimal influence on our stress. Harnessing the Power of Positivity To counterbalance this inherent bias towards negativity, Dr. Gottman introduces an analogy that resonates profoundly. He likens our perception to a stereo system with two channels—one broadcasting positivity and the other projecting negativity. Our inclination to tune into the negative channel, driven by evolutionary adaptations, necessitates intentional efforts to amplify the positive counterpart. Research has identified that it takes three positive interactions to offset just one negative one—or a P/N ratio of 3:1 as the breaking point on the path towards thriving and flourishing. The Magic Ratio & High Performance Teams The significance of the Magic Ratio extends beyond marital relationships, permeating various facets of leadership and team performance. High-performance teams in the corporate realm, akin to thriving couples, exhibit a similar positivity-to-negativity ratio or P/N. This ratio, illustrated by research from Meta Learning and the University of Michigan Business School, confirmed what Gottman found true for successful marriages was also true for high performance business teams. High performance teams, which they called flourishing teams, had P/N ratios of around 6:1. Medium to low performance or languishing teams had P/N ratios at or below 2:1. There's also an upper limit that just becomes too pollyannish to be believable or productive for high performance. This creates a "flourishing zone" that researchers Marcial Losada and Emily Heaphy dubbed "The Losada Zone" between P/N ratios of 3:1 and 11:1. Some Negativity is Necessary Interestingly, there must be some negativity in order for flourishing and high performance to emerge—not toxicity, stonewalling, loneliness, or defensiveness, but feedback. Some form of feedback, even if it's hard to hear, is necessary for high performance to emerge. And that makes sense. In order to improve and elevate at anything, we must receive feedback on our performance, behaviors, milestones, and goal attainment attempts. Feedback is critical because of its ability to grab our attention. Second, negative feedback guards against complacency and groupthink. And third, research from the Harvard Business Review shows that it helps leaders overcome serious weaknesses. So, there must be something in the 'N' side of the ratio. The Ratio and Broaden and Build Theory The higher positivity/negativity ratio that high performance teams displayed to one another broadened the choices available to the teams. It created “emotional spaces” that opened possibilities for action that the medium and low performing teams just didn’t have. Their higher negativity restricted emotional spaces that closed possibilities for action. In the words of the researchers, “Emotional spaces are created by the P/N ratios: high ratios create expansive emotional spaces and low ratios create restrictive emotional spaces.” Think about the last time you felt anxious, jealous, impatient, frustrated, or even angry. Those types of negative feelings restrict our thinking and options. When I’m angry, stressed, and/or frustrated, it much harder to broaden and build, to be creative, curious, and even playful. From the Positive Psychology website, "At the crux of her theory, Fredrickson (1998) argues that while negative emotions narrow thought-action repertoires, positive emotions broaden these repertoires, enabling us to draw on a wide array of possible cognitions and behaviors in response to emotional stimuli." Contrast that with a time you felt joyous, free, ‘in the flow,’ appreciated or appreciative, or loving. When we feel good, our creative energy provides us with more expansive and productive options than when we feel bad. Remember the research on happy people? It has been repeatedly demonstrated that happy people aren’t just feeling better—they are performing better in almost every major aspect of life. This is also true of happy marriages and high-performing business teams. Navigating the Path to Positivity As leaders, nurturing a culture of positivity demands deliberate actions. Dr. Gottman's wisdom imparts nine impactful ways to infuse positivity into relationships, fostering expansive emotional spaces and bolstering the array of choices available. I've added one of my own at the bottom of the list. Nine Impactful Ways to Infuse Positivity
In preparation for a serious dialogue, use your imagination to visualize and even rehearse a conversation that is filled with positivity, kindness, and optimism. Have an amazing journey today! Alan Mikolaj is a coach and leadership development consultant with 15+ years of experience. He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations. Impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results. Alan maintains the ethics and standards of behavior established by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), including the standards regarding confidentiality. You can learn more about them on the ICF website. Transformational change starts with a conversation! Alan is on a mission to partner with like-minded leaders who want to make a positive difference in the world. Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan Or call or email me: Contact Page |
Alan Mikolaj
Alan Mikolaj is a a professional, experienced, positive, and passionate speaker, leadership and organizational development consultant, change agent, author, and coach. He holds his Master of Arts degree in Clinical Psychology from Sam Houston State University. He is a certified graduate coach from Coaching Out of the Box and holds his ACC and membership with the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Free Discovery Conversation!
Impactful change starts with a conversation! Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan
Or call or email: Contact Page In his third book, A Travel Guide to Leadership, Alan offers you simple, fundamental, and powerful lessons that have the power to transform you, your relationships, and your career.
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