What Determines Your Priorities?

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.
CARL JUNG

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Singular versus Plural
For centuries, the word priority had no plural form.  There couldn't be.  To be a priority meant to be first—to be singular and supreme.  It wasn't until around the 20th century that we began speaking of our priorities (plural).  Somewhere along the way, we didn't simply pluralize a word—we fragmented our lives.

Today, we have priorities at work and priorities at home.  Priorities for our significant others, our children, our health, our finances, our careers, our communities, and our futures.  We proudly proclaim how busy we are and that we're multitaskers, while quietly wondering why we feel exhausted, fragmented, and pulled in a dozen different directions.

Perhaps our greatest challenge isn't that we have too much to do.  Perhaps it's that we've forgotten what determines what deserves to come first.

Thirteen years ago, I wrote about "the main thing" and challenged my readers to identify it; and something I've been doing  ever since.  It's a question worth revisiting today—not because the answer has changed, but because my understanding of it has deepened.

Could it be that we've been asking the wrong question?  We spend our lives asking, "What are my priorities?"  Perhaps the better question is, "What determines my priorities?"  The answer to that question shapes our decisions, our relationships, our leadership, and ultimately, our legacy.

After all, two people may both say that family is their priority and yet live remarkably different lives.  Two leaders may both say that people come first and lead in completely different ways.  It isn't enough to identify our priorities if we've never considered what determines them.

What determines your priorities?
Our priorities don't reveal nearly as much about us as we think they do.  However, what determines our priorities reveals almost everything.

Perhaps we've been pursuing the wrong goal altogether.  We've been taught to seek 'balance' among our competing priorities.  I wonder if integration is the better pursuit?  What if our priorities were never intended to compete with one another, but instead, become different expressions of who we are at our very best?

Our Life Mission isn't another item competing for space on our priority list.   It's what brings our lives into alignment.   It reflects who we are when we are at our very best, who we believe we are capable of becoming, and what gives our lives meaning and fulfillment beyond ourselves.  It becomes the lens through which our decisions, relationships, and priorities are viewed.

Suddenly, caring deeply about your family doesn't compete with being an exceptional leader.  Serving your community doesn't compete with pursuing meaningful work.  Living a life of love, service, and significance doesn't compete with professional success.  When our lives are aligned around what matters most, our priorities stop competing and begin complementing one another.

Without clarity of meaning and purpose, priorities become competitors.  With clarity, they become companions—working together in service of a life intentionally and lovingly lived.

The goal was never balance.  It was always wholeness.

For leaders, this truth is magnified.  If we cannot clearly articulate what matters most in our own lives, how can we hope to inspire others toward meaningful and purposeful work?  Leadership has never been about helping people do more things.  It has always been about inspiring them and helping them to become more of who they are capable of being.

So, I'll leave you with a loving challenge this month.

Instead of asking yourself, "What are my priorities?"

Ask yourself, "What determines my priorities?"

The answer to that question may change everything.

And perhaps that's what I've come to understand since writing that original blog thirteen years ago.  Keeping the main thing the main thing was never about having fewer priorities.  It was always about becoming the same person everywhere we go—living an integrated life rooted in meaning, guided by purpose, and expressed through what we choose to prioritize each day.

Because when we become clear about who we are called to BE, our priorities don't simply become clearer—they begin to come into alignment.  And keeping the main thing the main thing becomes not only possible, but transformational.

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Have an amazing journey today!

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Alan Mikolaj is an author, seasoned coach, and leadership development consultant with over 20 years of experience.  He is passionate about helping leaders transform their leadership, their teams, and their organizations.  He has an impactful, professional approach driven by a passion for meaning and purpose, a growth mindset, and a commitment to excellence and service in order to drive change and results.

Alan holds his Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology and Associate Certified Coach credential with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and maintains their ethics and standards of behavior, including the standards regarding confidentiality.  You can learn more about them on the ICF website.

Transformational change starts with a conversation!
Schedule your free, one-hour session by clicking here: Discovery Conversation with Alan
Or call or email: Contact Page

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